Dangerous Apps: A Public Service Announcement

Y'all know I've been having way too much fun with my new phone because I blogged about it here.

There are so many cool apps, many if not most of them free, that actually "being a phone" has become a small fraction of what this gadget in my pocket can actually do.

But in my search for cool apps, I stumbled upon some pretty scarey stuff that I want to warn you about.

It started when I searched for a voice recorder so I could record reminders for myself. Like "buy milk" or "download porn".

I quickly started finding things like "Stealth Recorder" The desciption says

"Use Shadyface Stealth Recorder to invisibly record audio conversations in the background! Use it to spy on friends, coworkers, your boss, your parents and your teachers! Leave it on the table and they'll have no idea.

Straight up Jason Bourne type stuff. Badass."

OK, that's a little bit scary, but mostly harmless, right?

But right after that was the Spy Recorder app which describes itself thusly:

"Do you need to Spy on someone? Is your boyfriend/girlfriend cheating on you? Are your boss or coworkers talking about you? Do you talk in your sleep? Are there ghosts while your sleeping?

If so, download the Spy Recorder to secretly record audio with your phone! Only Records when the sound level is above a threshold."

Not quite innocent fun and games anymore, is it?

But wait. It get's worse.

There is an app called M-Surveillance-Free.

"This application helps you to record audio and capture pictures, from THIS phone even when THIS phone is not physically present with you.

This application invokes the audio recorder or camera appication when it receives an SMS [text message] from a specified mobile phone. Paid version supports video and auto upload to YouTube."

OK, think about this.

It doesn't cost that much for someone to add a line to their phone plan because the phone companies encourage it. Add a line, get a phone cheap.

They could download a surveillance app to the phone and hide it in your home.

They could spy on you whenever they wanted by sending a text message to that phone and it would start recording video and audio. The paid version of the app could even upload the video to YouTube.

That's frightening. Especially when combined with the GPS Tracking capability.

So be careful and be aware.

That "cell phone" sitting on your coffee table or "lost" in the seat cushion of your car might be up to more mischief than is readily apparent.

Be safe.

I Love My Little Android

No, not Data. Although Brent Spiner is quite a fetching lad.

No, I'm talking about my new 3G smart phone. Now I know all y'all motherfuckers have been playing with your fancy phones for a long time and I'm late to the game. But Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket! This fucker is amazing!



"My God. It's full of apps!"

It's really unfair to even call this thing a phone since being a phone represents such a small percentage of what it actually does.

The Google Maps Navigation may be my favorite app. Yeah, I know, Garmin and Tom Tom have been doing it for years. But Google and the Android step it up a notch. Incredible voice recognition, integration with my phonebook, layering of satellite and traffic, Google street views as you approach your destination. And the turn by turn voice director has a saucy little British accent that I find very appealing.

I also have a Light Saber.

And a Tricorder.

And a rotary dialer.



But I have a few enhancements I would like to see in the next version of Google Navigator. To wit:

I want to be able to plot a route on my desktop and export it to my phone and have Google Map Navigation import it.

I want to be able to ask my Google Navigator questions. "Where is the closest gas station?"

I want to be able to program in preferences like "Science Museums" or "Full Contact Strip Clubs with $10 Lap Dances" and have the Navigator alert me when I'm near one.

As much as I love my sultry little computerized British wench, I would like to be able to download alternate navigation voices. I'm thinking John Cleese. Ricky Gervais. James Earl Jones.

I want a navigation voice with an attitude!

I like letting my GPS unit pick a route, and then I intentionally take a different route.

I like listening to a soul-less, heart-less, unemotional robotic voice telling me what to do as I completely ignore it and go where I want and do what I want.

It's just like being married again!

But the voice is too passive! I think after 3 "Off Route. Re Routing" attempts the software should say "OK, fuck you asshole, you're on you're own! I hope you get lost, shanked and ass-fucked in the ghetto! You don't deserve modern technology you Amish motherfucker! Take me back to Best Buy!"

The only thing that could make it better (I'm looking at you 4G developers), is if it were implanted in my brain and the data was projected directly onto my retinas like a fucking heads up display (HUD).

Hook me up, bitches! Brain implants, genetic modification, stem cell therapy, instant evrything. It's 2010! Fix my shit! I want it all and I want it now.