Earlier today, my friend @bullevard (check out his beer blog and food blog) asked what I thought about the Baby Emma saga.
CLIFF NOTES:
Unmarried couple expecting a child agree that they will decide, together, what they are going to do.
Woman goes into labor, doesn't tell father, goes into hiding, puts baby up for adoption to Mormons in Utah.
Father finds out and immediately starts fighting to get his daughter back.
Draconian Utah adoption laws make it virtually impossible for a single, non-Mormon, out-of-state parent to get an adoption overturned.
One year later, mother is sorry, regrets. Father still fighting. Utah still cock-blocking evryone.
I think, nay, I am certain, that @bullevard was trying to light me up because of my response to the David Goldman case.
CLIFF NOTES:
David Goldman knowing took his Brazillion wife Bruna and his 4 year old son Sean to the airport for what was to be a 2 week vacation to visit her family in Brazil.
She gets down there, decides she Sean ain't comin' back. She divorces David, gets remarried, gets pregnant and dies in childbirth.
Bruna's family decide to keep Sean in Brazil and have the political connections to make that happen.
A 5 year long custody and child support battle ensues during which David Goldman pays no child supprt and the family in Braxil refuse to grant him access.
Sean is now 9 years old. The only family he has any clear memory of is his mother's family in Brazil. All of his friends and emotional connections are in Brazil.
Along comes this virtual stranger from America wanting to rip Sean away from the only family he has ever known.
THE ISSUE (for me):
As parents, we are obligated to elevate the best interests of our children above our own needs and desires.
I think the father in the Baby Emma case is doing that. His daughter is only a year old. She hasn't had ttime to develop any lasting emotional ties to anyone.
There is still time for him to get his daughter back so that they can form that lasting bond together.
I think he is sacrificing his own needs and wants as a young man and is working in the best interest of his daughter.
The Goldman case was different.
Sean Goldman spent all of his life that he could remember, from the age of 4 to 9 in the custody of his mother's family in Brazil. They loved him and he loved them. He went to school in Brazil for 5 years. Kindergarten through 4th grade. The only friends he had were in Brazil. The only family he had were in Brazil.
David Goldman spent 5 years determined to rip him out of the only loving environment he had ever know so he could be forced to spend time with him, a stranger in a strange land.
I don't think David Goldman was sacrificing his own needs and wants for his child. I think he was putting his own pride and bruised ego above the best interests of his son.
I think if David Goldman cared more about his son than himself, he would have swallowed his pride and worked things out with his ex-wife's family.
He could have gotten routine access to Sean and built a relationship with his son. After some trust and goodwill had been established, he might have been granted partial custody by Brazillion authorities. In time, maybe even full custody, with the Brazillian families blessing.
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