You Stupid, Gullible, Trader Joe Sycophants

The Greater Metropolitan Kansas City Area is pissing all over themselves (and not an insignificant number of innocent bystanders) over a fucking grocery store opening.

Trader Joe's has come to Kansas City in two locations.

"2 BUCK CHUCK! 2 BUCK CHUCK!"

"Who Gives a Fuck? Who Gives a Fuck?"

Apparently a lot of upscale, gullible, meat puppets who are easily manipulated by clever marketing give a fuck for 2 Buck Chuck and the whole manufactured "Trader Joe's" mythos.

SCENARIO 1:
A grocery store at 7th & Paseo offers an inconsistent, rotating stock of food products from sources and brands that can't be found anywhere else at prices lower than you would find for comparable items at say, Price Chopper or Hy-Vee.

ASSUMPTION 1: This is an Aldis store offering low grade, off-brand crap that "normal people" would never buy, to low-class, food stamp recipients who can't afford the quality of produce they could get if they could afford to shop at Price Chopper or Hy-Vee.

SCENARIO 2:
A grocery store on 119th St. in Leawood, KS offers an inconsistent, rotating stock of food products from sources and brands that can't be found anywhere else at prices lower than you would find for comparable items at say, Price Chopper or Hy-Vee.

ASSUMPTION @: This is Trader Joes! Offering exotic, organic, exclusive, hard-to-find, off-brand products that only "in the know" foodie intelligentsia can acquire because they are way too smart and hip to shop at such low-brow, "common" places like Price Chopper or Hy-Vee.

YOUR EPIPHANY: You "upscale" JoCo, Beemer-Hummer driving fucktards are buying and eating the same "unique" food products as your ghetto-dwelling brethren. It's just sold in different packages and presented by different people.

At an Aldis in the hood, if you try to rip open a package and sample a pretzel before buying the bag, you will probably be tackled and tazed by a retired police officer! You might even die!

At a Trader Joe's, you can ask some Jimmy Buffet looking mother fucker to open the bag for you and he will happily let you try a taste before you buy it.

It's the same fucking pretzel! It's the same fucking price! Only the training of the employee and the expectation of the customer are different.

You privileged, upscale, conservative, condescending, hipster motherfuckers make me want to puke!

You can take your 2 Buck Chuck and shove it up your pompous, foodie, pretentious fucking hipster asses.