The fastest track to getting elected in Kansas is to campaign against a single issue.
People in Kansas don't like to be confused or befuddled by complexity. It makes their "brains" itch.
Don't campaign FOR something because that implies some sort of FORward progress. Kansans hate that shit.
Keep it the same. Keep it simple.
Kansas revolves (actually, being a squarish state, it doesn't so much revolve as it clumsily tumbles end-over-end) around 3 simple issues.
Abortion.
Evolution.
ILLEGAL ALIENS!
Kris Kobach is the most recent pandering politician to work a Jedi Mind Trick on the Kansas electorate by campaigning for Secretary of State on the single issue of ILLEGAL ALIENS.
But to his credit, he added a layer of "intellectual" complexity and upped the ante by adding the fear of VOTER FRAUD. That's right...hordes of ILLEGAL ALIENS storming the polling places on election day!
His entire campaign revolved around preventing illegal aliens from casting illegal votes.
SERIOUSLY? Are fucking kidding me right meow?
These "illegal aliens" that everyone is so fucking scared of are the meekest, most low profile members of the population you can imagine! They operate under 3 Basic Rules.
1. Don't get caught.
2. Don't get caught.
3. Don't get caught.
They are not going to do anything that could result in them possibly getting caught! They can only stay in the country and continue to make money and live a good life if they don't get caught!
They won't even send in their Census forms or open their doors to Census workers for fear of being caught! They would no more walk in to a polling place on election day and try to cast an illegal vote than they would sign up to take a tour of the F.B.I. Museum or try to run for public office!
I defy anyone to find a single politician or issue that would be so compelling and important to an "illegal alien" that they would risk being caught, captured and deported to risk going to a public polling place and casting an illegal vote.
What? Kansas City's Earnings Tax? A Bond issue to support the Kaufmann Complex? Light Rail?
Are you fucking kidding me?
Kobach's proposed solution to this non-existent crisis is to require voters to produce proof of citizenship in the form of a driver's license, state ID card, passport or some other state sanctioned identification.
BULLSHIT!
This isn't meant to keep illegal aliens away, it's meant to keep minorities and people on the lower end of the socio-economic spectrum (most of which are more likely to vote for Democrats) away from the polls to tilt the electoral balance in favor of white conservatives!
Don't get me wrong. I'm not that different from Kris Kobach. There are people I want to keep away from the polls too. I'm just more honest about it. I want to keep stupid, uninformed, imbeciles away from the polls.
I don't give a flying fuck at a rolling donut if someone has a driver's license or some other form of ID. Fuck that.
Can you pass a Citizenship Test? The same test they give LEGAL immigrants before bestowing U.S. Citizenship?
I think this should be a prerequisite to becoming a registered voter. You and generations of your family being born here don't mean shit you ignorant, bigotted fuck.
And on top of that, on election day, you have to answer 5 random questions from the Citizenship Test and exhibit knowledge and understanding about 5 recent national news stories, just to prove you are engaged and paying attention.
If you can't answer the questions or prove you know what's going on in the world, YOU DON'T GET TO VOTE! Go back home and watch "Dancing With The Stars"! Dipshit!
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