The Great Bryant's Blog Summit of 2011

This past Saturday a Summit Meeting was conducted in secret.

At this meeting, the future of the entire blogosphere was decided.

Representing all of you and deciding things on your behalf, was, from left to right, Joe's Big Blog, Kansas City with the Russian Accent, and yours truly, the Hip Suburban White Guy.

Joe was in town from California visiting his brother-in-law who is about to deploy to Afghanistan. It was Joe's first trip to KC so we thought it was appropriate to treat him to the most authentic Kansas City experience possible. Big plates of Arthur Bryant's BBQ washed down with a pitcher of Boulevard Pale Ale.

Joe was generous enough to pick up the tab, at which point Meesha dropped to his knee's professed his undying love and offered to play a little ditty on Joe's meat whistle right on the spot. Meesha loves good food, but the road to his heart goes right through his wallet.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's half of a ham and beef combo in the fridge calling my name.

Disasters in Dating Part 6

This is another "Disasters in Dating" chapter in which no actual dating occured.

So I get this email on the Online Dating site:

"See me! like??"

Seriously. That was the entire fucking email.

Out of morbid curiosity I have to click through to the profile.

It was from "lipilya". She's 28. I'm 55. Yeah...OK. I bet we have a lot in common.

She's 5'7".

Her body type is "athletic". Ya know, like me.

The longest relationship lipilya has been in was under 1 year.

Her Interests, are "aerobic". Again, ya know, like me.

This is her profile picture.



This is her profile.

"I beautiful the young girl. I am always assured of myself and very much I like to laugh and have fun.

I very much love when people are pleased. At me it is a lot of friends but beside there is no favorite person.

I already have very long lived without the love but I still hope that sometime I shall find the love and I shall be happy.

Among the friends I as cannot find the love."

I hate to be all cynical and shit, but I have some nagging doubts that this is a real 28 year old woman that is all hot for me.

Plus, I suspect she may be Russian. And we all know what "Debbie Downer's" and "Negative Nancy's" those Russians can be.

I think I'll take a pass.

Kris Kobach Feeds On Your Stupidity And Paranoia

The fastest track to getting elected in Kansas is to campaign against a single issue.

People in Kansas don't like to be confused or befuddled by complexity. It makes their "brains" itch.

Don't campaign FOR something because that implies some sort of FORward progress. Kansans hate that shit.

Keep it the same. Keep it simple.

Kansas revolves (actually, being a squarish state, it doesn't so much revolve as it clumsily tumbles end-over-end) around 3 simple issues.

Abortion.

Evolution.

ILLEGAL ALIENS!

Kris Kobach is the most recent pandering politician to work a Jedi Mind Trick on the Kansas electorate by campaigning for Secretary of State on the single issue of ILLEGAL ALIENS.

But to his credit, he added a layer of "intellectual" complexity and upped the ante by adding the fear of VOTER FRAUD. That's right...hordes of ILLEGAL ALIENS storming the polling places on election day!

His entire campaign revolved around preventing illegal aliens from casting illegal votes.

SERIOUSLY? Are fucking kidding me right meow?

These "illegal aliens" that everyone is so fucking scared of are the meekest, most low profile members of the population you can imagine! They operate under 3 Basic Rules.

1. Don't get caught.
2. Don't get caught.
3. Don't get caught.

They are not going to do anything that could result in them possibly getting caught! They can only stay in the country and continue to make money and live a good life if they don't get caught!

They won't even send in their Census forms or open their doors to Census workers for fear of being caught! They would no more walk in to a polling place on election day and try to cast an illegal vote than they would sign up to take a tour of the F.B.I. Museum or try to run for public office!

I defy anyone to find a single politician or issue that would be so compelling and important to an "illegal alien" that they would risk being caught, captured and deported to risk going to a public polling place and casting an illegal vote.

What? Kansas City's Earnings Tax? A Bond issue to support the Kaufmann Complex? Light Rail?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Kobach's proposed solution to this non-existent crisis is to require voters to produce proof of citizenship in the form of a driver's license, state ID card, passport or some other state sanctioned identification.

BULLSHIT!

This isn't meant to keep illegal aliens away, it's meant to keep minorities and people on the lower end of the socio-economic spectrum (most of which are more likely to vote for Democrats) away from the polls to tilt the electoral balance in favor of white conservatives!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not that different from Kris Kobach. There are people I want to keep away from the polls too. I'm just more honest about it. I want to keep stupid, uninformed, imbeciles away from the polls.

I don't give a flying fuck at a rolling donut if someone has a driver's license or some other form of ID. Fuck that.

Can you pass a Citizenship Test? The same test they give LEGAL immigrants before bestowing U.S. Citizenship?

I think this should be a prerequisite to becoming a registered voter. You and generations of your family being born here don't mean shit you ignorant, bigotted fuck.

And on top of that, on election day, you have to answer 5 random questions from the Citizenship Test and exhibit knowledge and understanding about 5 recent national news stories, just to prove you are engaged and paying attention.

If you can't answer the questions or prove you know what's going on in the world, YOU DON'T GET TO VOTE! Go back home and watch "Dancing With The Stars"! Dipshit!

Taco Bell's "Beef"

A new lawsuit claims that only 35% of the "beef" in Taco Bell's "meat" products is actually composed of real beef. Ya know, from cows.

Apparently, the other 65% is made up of "...substances such as isolated oat product, soy lecithin, autolyzed yeast extract and modified corn starch."

Yeah, right.

I think we all know what the other 65% is!

Athleticism Is A Cancer On Civilization

The local Sports Media was feverishly masturbating this weekend over one of their inspirational, feel-good stories. KU basketball star overcomes personal tragedy to support his team mates!

On Saturday morning KU basketball player Thomas Robinson received a phone call from his 9 year old sister informing him that his mother had died of a heart attack the previous night.

His immediate response? LET'S PLAY BASKETBALL!

Because obviously, playing a fucking basketball game is far more important than being a big brother to your 9 year old sister who just lost her mother.

The local sports media is playing this up like a Supreme Noble Athlete with a huge heart who didn't allow a personal tragedy to let his team mates down.

Bull. Fucking. Shit.

This is a stupid jock with some seriously fucked up priorities.

IT'S JUST A FUCKING GAME! Go hug your sister. Go be with your family. Fuck the game! Tell the KU Athletic Department to go pound sand up their ass. They can afford a lot of sand.

Unless, of course, like most athletes, you put your own potential (yet INCREDIBLY unlikely) multi-million dollar career above and beyond every other concern in life.

Viewed through that sad, selfish prism, I suppose you can justify playing a stupid fucking game while your mother is being embalmed and your 9 year old sister is growing up way too fast without you.

To paraphrase Karl Marx, it is sports, as much as religion, that is the opiate of the masses.

It is a totally mindless and responsive addiction that requires no intellectual rigour. It adds nothing to society other than a distraction from our real problems.

If the money spent on sports was directed at medical research, our average lifespan would be 200 years old instead of 72.

XO's BLT

You start with a couple of slices of Texas Toast and some Land O' Lakes Honey Butter.



Butter one side of the Texas Toast with the Honey Butter and put them under the broiler until golden brown.



Flip the one-sided toast over and lightly spread some real mayonnaise on the un-toasted side.



Sprinkle some freshly shredded Parmesan cheese on the mayonnaise side of the bread



Add some lettuce



Some sliced Roma tomatoes



Some bacon



And VOILA! A delicious BLT!



Enjoy!

Fuck the Second Amendment

There is no way in Hell this motherfucker should have ever been allowed to own a gun and buy ammo at a Walmart.



In fact, NO ONE should be allowed to own a gun and buy ammo unless they can prove they have a responsible need for a a gun and have the intelligence, training and emotional maturity to be trusted with a gun.

Hunters? Fuck you. You can buy meat at grocery stores. I don't care how many miles of shitty gravel roads separate us from your rural "paradise". You can still buy beef, chicken, pork, turkey and even goose and duck at the nearest grocery store. You don't need your own personal arsenal to feed your family.

If you want to buy a gun you should have to answer the following questions:

1: Why do you need one? (provide supporting documentation/evidence)
2: Why should the people around you trust you with one? Seriously. Why should you be trusted with the power to kill somebody?

Finally, there should be a "you look weird" test.

Telling someone "Nah, you look odd and I'm getting a creepy vibe from you. I'm not selling you a weapon that you could use to kill people" should be the prevailing policy at every retail outlet.

I don't know anyone, including myself, that I would trust to own a gun.

BMA Red Carpet - The couples

And on to the couples. Thanks once more to Photoboss.


Velvet-voiced singer Dwane Husbands holds an armful of gorgeous on the red carpet.


I almost didn't recognise Biggie Irie wihtout his trademark cap. His companion is wearing one of the more unique dresses of the night.


Minister of Culture Stephen Lashley and his wife are looking dapper and coordinated.


Attorney and up-and-coming politico Santia Bradshaw is a head turner in this red and black ruffled number. Her boyfriend Tony Hoyos doesn't clean up too badly either.


This daring number looks good - on this young lady. It should never be accessorized with back fat.


Another unique, daring number. But I can hardly see past the eye shadow.


Full blown gorgeous dress.


Multiple BMA winner Anderson 'Blood' Armstrong and his date are cute in red.

BMA's Red Carpet - The men

As promised, here are some more photos from the red carpet of the Barbados Music Awards 2011, again thanks to Photoboss.


These two are ready for their audition for Men in Black 3.


Different looks, different style, same cool effect. Though I'm not totally sold on the white shoes. Leave that for Richard Stoute, guy on right.


Why so serious, Ram? All that patting and cranking have you tired?


I'm not sure if this look was intentional so let's not call it a homage to Michael...

Things that make you go hmm on the St. John by-election trail....

The by-election in the parish of St. John is in full swing, with the usual bickering and personal attacks that have come to personify Bajan election campaigns. Hardly any of the speakers are attempting to deal with the real issues that are affecting the rural parish, amd frankly I can't wait for January 20th to come just to get it over with.

For those persons not following the Barbadian political scene, the DLP is being represented by the widow of former Prime Minister, David Thompson, and the BLP by businessman Hudson Griffith.

The general consensus is that Griffith doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell to win the seat, since St. John has been a DLP stronghold for over 50 years. But, you never know in politics.


The comments being made on the campaign trail range from the ridiculous to the hilarious, with a good dose of defamatory on the side. Below are just some of the things that make me go hmmmm as I read the coverage.

1) Where have all these former BLP Cabinet ministers like Anthony Wood and Noel Lynch reapppeared from all of a sudden? Is their presence on the platform an indication that they plan to run in the next general election?

2) Why is the DLP treating the St. John Polyclinic like a political football? Either complete the structure or demolish it already!

3) Has roast breadfruit replaced corned beef and biscuits in politics in Bim?

4) Why is Opposition Leader Owen Arthur fixating on Mara Thompson being born in St. Lucia, when for decades he has been seen as a proponent of the CSME and CARICOM unity?

5)Why is the BLP drawing attention to Mrs. Thompson's land of birth when its own candidate was born in St. Vincent?

Just wondering....


Image: www.nationnews.com

Barbados Music Awards Red Carpet - The women

No awards show is complete without red carpet coverage, and the Barbados Music Awards is no different. Here are photos of some of the ladies who graced the carpet, courtesy of PhotoBoss.


I'm not sure, but I think blue is her favourite colour....

Song bird Indra Rudder's (left) snug-fitting metallic dress falls short of looking glam because of its pairing with some rather sinister looking boots. Girl, you better run, PETA's coming your way....

Entertainer Ayana John nails it in this sparkly blue number.

NCF CEO Dr. Donna Hunte-Cox (right) and her companion look lovely, but they're in danger of being upstaged by their eyeshadow.

Singer extraordinaire Ria Borman looks every inch a star. I never realised how much she looks like M'onique....

Uhmm, poet lady whose name I can't recall, Halloween is long gone. Unless you're trying to match your makeup with your shoes....

Words fail me. Next.

What in the Bride of Frankenstein hell happened here? But she has such a sweet smile though.

Stop tugging the dress down. It was short when you left home. You look nice, though.

See, ladies. It's possible to be covered up and still look great.

Aww. This little angel stole the show. This is how you work a red carpet! Tomorrow, the men and couples.

You too can smell like Rihanna

Well, home girl Rihanna is not only burning up the charts and winning awards like sand, she's now venturing into the area already explored by the likes of Elizabeth Taylor, J-Lo and Beyonce, a signature fragrance.

The scent Reb'l Fleur, which will hit Macy's stores on January 25, is also, if you recall, a statement tattooed on Rihanna' neck.

The perfume is said to be a mixture of her Caribbean upbringing with ripe fruits and sumptuous florals, as well as a musky mix of vanilla, patchouli and amber.

Sounds good. My birthday's coming up, btw....

Rihanna, Blood top BMA'S 2011

Hey, peoples! It's January so you know it's time again for the annual Barbados Music Awards, which were held last Saturday evening at the Wildey Gym.

Bajan super star Rihanna headed the list of winners, landing a total of six. She took the awards for Entertainer Of The Year (female), Song Of The Year, Best Collaboration, Best Pop/Rock/Alternative/Dance Artist/Group and Album Of The Year/ Music Video Of The Year (female).

Following his successful run at Crop-Over 2010, Anderson “Blood” Armstrong landed five awards, including Producer Of The Year.

See a complete list of the winners below. Congrats to all!

Band Of The Year – krosfyah

Female Entertainer Of The Year – Rihanna

Male Entertainer of the Year – Blood

Instrumentalist of the Year – Arturo Tappin

Best Reggae/Dancehall (Artiste/Group) – Buggy Nhakente

Best Soca/Ragga soca/Calypso (Artiste/Group) – Anderson Blood Armstrong

Best New (Artiste/Group) – St Leonard’s Boys’ Choir

Best Gospel (Artiste) – Toni Norville

Best Soul/R&B (Artistes/Group) – Shontelle

Best Jazz (Artiste/Group) – Arturo Tappin

Best Rap/Hip Hop (Artiste/Group) – Danny Reid

Choir/Chorale Of The Year – St Leonard’s Boys’ Choir

Song Of The Year – Rihanna (Rude Girl)

Best Collaboration (Love The Way You Lie) – Eminem featuring Rihanna

Best Soca Single (Female) – Indrani (Fyah Wata)

Best Ragga/Mid-Tempo Single (Female) – TC (Down De Road)

Best Social Commentary (Male) – Red Plastic Bag (Signs)

Best Social Commentary (Female) – TC (Stimulus)

Best Pop/Rock/Alternative/Dance Single – Rihanna (Rude Boy)

Best Reggae/Dancehall Single – High Grade (Pressure Point)

Best Gospel/Inspirational Single – Toni Norville (Reach Out In Faith)

Pop/Rock/Alternative/Dance Artiste/Group – Rihanna

Compilation Of The Year (Various) – Soca Dons And Divas

Album Of The Year (Artiste/Group) – Rihanna (Rated R)

Producer Of The Year – Anderson Blood Armstrong

Songwriter Of The Year – Mr Dale

Music Video Of The Year (Male) – Edwin Yearwood (Chrissening)

Music Video Of The Year (Female) – Rihanna (Rude Boy)

Best Soul/R&B/Hip Hop Single – Shontelle (Impossible)

People’s Choice – High Grade

Some Photos From My Archives

letter tattoos