The Black Bra

Got this in an email from an old girlfriend today. Yeah, it's been around before but it never fails to crack me up.

*****

The other day I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here ' s how it all went:

My engaged friend:

The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ' You are the woman of my dreams. I love you. ' Then we made love all night long..

The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn ' t say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said…

"What's for dinner, Batman?"

Tribute to Jackie Opel

Sunday, March 8 marked the 39th anniversary of the death of one of the music legends of Barbados, Dalton Sinclair "Jackie Opel" Bishop.

Even though Jackie Opel died two years before I was born, I grew up listening to his music and was in awe of his stirring lyrics and powerful vocal range. Here was a man who could hold his own with any of the Motown greats, who the legendary Bob Marley credited as the source of his own interest in music, and who was backed by Bob and the Wailers and Peter Tosh on one of his tracks, Mill Man .

Cry Me A River, Eternal Love and Every Word I Say Is True are only a few of the hits that I still enjoy to this day, and it saddens me that such a gifted man is nothing more than a footnote in the history of music in Barbados.

Where is the Jackie Opel museum, the biography of his life, the full length documentary (kudos to CBC TV for their recent half hour tribute), or the movie on his life? Sure, he's credited as being the creator of spouge, but let's be real; despite the claims to the contrary, spouge is dead in Barbados. I guess what they say about a prophet in his own land is true.

Jackie Opel died tragically at the age of 32 in a car accident in Bay Street. His shocking and untimely passing deprived the world of a talent that will live on in the hearts of many, and I'm grateful that he will be forever immortalised through his music.

Obama to attend Fifth Summit of the Americas

I'm pretty excited that my favourite President and his First Lady will be in the region to the attend the Fifth Summit of the Americas in Trinidad next month. And not only is he attending, but heading a 1,000 member delegation and arriving in 25 planes. Where is Manning going to put all these people?

Even though I know that planning that event and the security surrounding President Obama would be a major headache, I'm still jealous that the summit isn't here in Bimshire instead. I can still remember working with the Clinton visit back in 1997 and to this day my colleagues and I share war stories about that visit and other visits by Heads of State.

But back to next month's summit; I can't wait to see the interaction between Obama and Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, who had no love for former US President George W. Bush. This should be an interesting one indeed....

America becoming less Christian, survey finds

From CNN:

"(CNN) -- America is a less Christian nation than it was 20 years ago, and Christianity is not losing out to other religions, but primarily to a rejection of religion altogether, a survey published Monday found.


Survey finds percentage of of Americans identifying themselves as Christian has fallen over two decades.

Seventy-five percent of Americans call themselves Christian, according to the American Religious Identification Survey from Trinity College in Hartford, Connecticut. In 1990, the figure was 86 percent.

William Donohue, president of the Catholic League said he thinks a radical shift towards individualism over the last quarter-century has a lot to do it.

"The three most dreaded words are thou shalt not," he told Lou Dobbs. "Notice they are not atheists -- they are saying I don't want to be told what to do with my life."

At the same time there has been an increase in the number of people expressing no religious affiliation.

The survey also found that "born-again" or "evangelical" Christianity is on the rise, while the percentage who belong to "mainline" congregations such as the Episcopal or Lutheran churches has fallen.

One in three Americans consider themselves evangelical, and the number of people associated with mega-churches has skyrocketed from less than 200,000 in 1990 to more than 8 million in the latest survey. Watch CNN report on new study »

The rise in evangelical Christianity is contributing to the rejection of religion altogether by some Americans, said Mark Silk of Trinity College.

"In the 1990s, it really sunk in on the American public generally that there was a long-lasting 'religious right' connected to a political party, and that turned a lot of people the other way," he said of the link between the Republican Party and groups such as the Moral Majority and Focus on the Family. Watch author on mixing religion and politics »

"In an earlier time, people who would have been content to say, 'Well, I'm some kind of a Protestant,' now say 'Hell no, I won't go,'" he told CNN.

Silk also said the revelation that some Catholic priests had sexually abused children -- and senior figures in the church hierarchy had helped to hide it -- drove some Catholics away from religion.

And, he said, it is now more socially acceptable than it once was to admit having no religion.

"You're not declaring yourself a total pariah. The culture has changed in a way that makes it easier to say, 'No, I don't have a religion. Even in the past year, Mitt Romney and Barack Obama feel obliged to talk about 'those of no faith,' " he pointed out. Obama mentioned people without faith in his inaugural address in January, making him the first president to do so.

In the survey, one in five Americans said they have no religious identity or did not answer the question, and more than one in four said they do not expect to have a religious funeral.

The rise in what the survey authors call "nones" is the only trend reflected in every single state in the study, Silk said.

"We don't see anything else in the survey that is nationwide," he told CNN.

Still, Tony Perkins, the president of the Family Research Council, remained hopeful that people will return to their faith, noting there was a less dramatic decline in those affiliating themselves with a religion this decade than in the 1990s.

Perkins told Lou Dobbs he sees that decline easing, and he thinks soon religion will be an even greater part of people's lives.

"If this poll is taken next year will the outcome be different?" he asked. "As the economy goes downward, I think people are going to be driven to religion."

Other findings include:

• The percentage of Catholics in the United States has remained steady at about one in four since 1990, while the percentage of other Christians has plummeted from 60 percent to 50 percent.

• The percentage of Muslims has doubled since 1990, but remains statistically very small, only 0.3 percent in the original survey and 0.6 percent today.

• Mormons have remained steady as a percentage of the population, even as the number of people in the United States has grown. They make up 1.4 percent of the population.

• The number of Jews in the United States is falling if the category includes only those who define themselves as Jews religiously, but has remained the same if the category includes people who consider themselves ethnically Jewish.


The survey polled 54,461 Americans between February and November of last year. Pollsters conducted the research in both English and Spanish."

It's a No Brainer

I hear reports all the time about how people who find themselves suddenly unemployed are having difficulty getting through to their state Unemployment offices.

The Unemployment office websites are locking up and crashing.

Trying to get someone on the phone can involve sitting on hold for hours, often resulting in a maddening dropped call forcing you to start all over.

Benefits are slow in coming or are denied, forcing you to the website or phone to appeal. See above.

So here's the way my mind works. See if you can follow this convoluted and complicated line of reasoning.

Why the fuck aren't the state unemployment offices hiring people like a motherfucker?

They should be hiring anybody without a job and with a pulse that walks through the fucking door!

I mean, how high can the standards be? Have you ever dealt with anyone in an unemployment office? Or any state office building?

REQUIRED SKILL SET

Education? No.

Pleasant Disposition? No.

Helpful Attitude? No.

People Skills? No.

Sense of Urgency? No.

Professionalism? No.

Knowledgeable? No.

Dedication to The Task at Hand? No.

Compassion? No.

Creative Problem Solver? No.

Ability to Think Outside The Box? No.

Willingness to Cut Through Red Tape? Oh, Hellz to the No!

Ability to Show Up Most Days? Desirable, but not required.

Ability to Memorize Lunch and Break Schedules? Required.

Ability to Memorize State Employee Union Rules and Regulations? Required.

Here is the plan.

Take a big chunk of that stimulus package going to the states and put it towards hiring people to staff the Unemployment offices and expanding their IT and Telcom technical staff.

Soak those fuckers up like a sponge!

Add more servers to the websites. Add more telephone lines. Let the laid off IT, Telcom, Customer Service and Management professionals find ways to improve the system and increase efficiencies.

As the economy recovers, lay those fuckers off so they can get better jobs in the private sector, leaving their efficiencies behind.

As the demand for Unemployment bandwidth decreases, sell off the extra capacity to recovering businesses at a discount.

Why have none of the financial geniuses "fixing" this mess identified this simple example of the law of supply and demand?

What am I missing here?

Six reasons why Rihanna would marry Chris Brown

Something stinks to high heaven about the rumours circulating about Rihanna and that lil boy Chris Brown.

All last week the net was inundated with stories of her being back with Brown, married to Brown, pregnant for Brown, beating up Brown first and to be honest I'm over trying to figure out the truth from the lies.

I think the biggest problem with this drama is that both Rihanna and Chris Brown's publicists are spinning out of control. A lot of bs is being slung and I fear it's all for 'operation save Chris Brown's career' and not for Rihanna's benefit. As far as I'm concerned, the whole make up/marriage thing is a publicity stunt and I ain't believing a word until I hear it from Rihanna's own lips.

I mean, really, why would Rihanna commit the rest of her life to a person who assaulted and threatened to kill her? I tried to think of some reasons why:


1) She wanted to see Chris Brown in a suit. Granted, it's the most mature I've seen him look, since he often looks as though he's dressed by a group of deranged Sesame Street muppets. That suit would look real nice with a pair of handcuffs though....

2. She's really pregnant. Well, time will tell soon enough 'cause as we Bajans say, you can hide and buy land, but you can't hide and work it.

3) All her friends are doing it. Beyonce and Jay-Z got married recently, maybe Rihanna wanted to give it a try too.


4) She's passionately, blindly in love with Brown. She would have to be, to think that nothing says love like a smack in the face.

5) She's getting bad advice. Already proven.


6) She's mad as *ss. Rihanna has exhibited some questionable behaviour in the past, but unless all the good sense got knocked outa her head in her recent altercation, I would like to believe she's still sane.

But, what do I know? The chile's own father doesn't know what's going on. All I know is that if she marries or for that matter reconciles with Brown, she's going to squander a lot of goodwill being sent her way.

A question of confidence

Hey, peoples! Sorry for neglecting you the past couple of days but I was a bit under the weather and extra busy to boot.

Anyhoo, yesterday the Opposition Barbados Labour Party (BLP) brought a no confidence motion against PM David Thompson in the House of Assembly over his handling of the CLICO issue. I'm not sure if many people paid the whole matter much attention, 'cause cricket was on.

Although I recognise that she was exercising her right as Opposition Leader, I'm not sure what Mia Mottley hoped to prove. The ruling Dempocratic Labour Party (DLP) has only been in office for roughly 14 months, too early for the electorate to think about ousting them. All she did really was tee off folks who were looking forward to watching the West Indies play England, especially a friend of mine who supports the West Indies but is really watching the match to see Kevin Pietersen.

But I digress. After watching a good bit of the day's debate here are a few observations:


1) Mia Mottley must have a wardrobe full of red outfits. I know red is the BLP's colour, but I swear Mottley hasn't worn any other colour since elections in 2008. Let it go, Mia. The campaign is over.


2) Former PM Owen Arthur has aged a bit in the last year. I don't know if it was the drizzly video feed from Parliament, but I swear that Arthur looks more stressed out now that when he was Prime Minister. Makes you wonder....


3) Dr. William Duguid has really gained his voice in Opposition. The former backbencher hardly said a word when the BLP was in power, but now he never fails to be attack someone about something or other.


4) Hamilton Lashley missed his calling as a Pastor. In what was perhaps his best (and certainly most coherent) contribution in Parliament, Hammie La literally quoted scripture and verse about his treatment at the hands of the BLP. Cuhdear.



5) I don't know if I heard correctly, but former Minister of Public Works Gline Clarke said that even though he was Minister he didn't know too much about the awarding of the contract to expand the highway. Oh okay, that explains everything.


6) Poor Ronald Toppin. I swear that man has an ability to put himself in hot water like no other Parliamentarian. He was forced to back down over a statement he made about AG Freundel Stuart, but not before digging a big hole for himself. Remember, Tops, silence worked well for you in the past.

A lot of other things were said, but unlike the Ministers I don't have privilege to speak about them so I'll leave it there. All I'll add is that the debate wasn't so much about Thompson but who he keeps as friends....


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