An Epiphany!

I live in a "town home". In New Jersey we called them "patio homes".

It's a lot like a duplex, except it's a fourplex, it has two floors, includes a garage and in some cases a basement or patio.

My garage is fairly small and it is lined with my old crappy bookshelves filled with tools and sealed Tupperware storage containers housing my old darkroom equipment, GTO's family heirlooms and such.

When I pull in, I actually have to be cognizant of which side of the vehicle I need to unload stuff from. Inches matter.

Tonight, I was especially aware of these constraints.

I thought to myself "this spring". This spring I will separate the wheat from the chaff. I will throw stuff away, I will have a garage sale, I will move stuff up to my attic.

Yes, I actually have some accessible attic space just off of my 2nd floor walk-in closet that leads to some impressive storage.

I could make my garage a lot more useful if I moved a lot of that crap into my attic!

But I can't do it by myself. That shit is heavy and the access to my attic space is small.

But then I remembered.

My daughter, young Galadriel Tanqueray Onassis, has a BOYFRIEND now!

He's 16 years old.

I'm the father of his girlfriend!

That gives me some leverage!

I can get his eager-young ass over here to help me haul shit from the garage to the attic! He'll be happy to do it!

But wait! There's more!

Why should I have to do anything? He has friends!

I can get "Jimmy" and his friends over here to clean out my garage, haul heavy shit up stairs to the attic, and I won't have to do anything but make a batch of tacos.

But wait! There's more!

My dad and step-mom in Olathe have a sleeper-sofa they want to give me. It's in their garage. All I have to do is come and get it.

But they live in MORDOR, I don't have a truck, and even if I had a friend with a truck willing to make the trip, I don't know that I could handle my end of the sofa to get it up a narrow flight of stairs to the spare bedroom without blowing out my already compressed disc. Those hide-a-beds are HEAVY and AWKWARD!

Jimmy! I bet you have some friends with a pick up truck!

Mwahahahahahah!

Do The Right Thing, Jay

Leno retired from the "Tonight Show" and bequeathed it to Conan O'Brien years ahead of time in order to avoid the dramafest that ensued when Johnny Carson retired without naming a successor.

That fiasco resulted in the Leno/Letterman sausage fest that sent Letterman to CBS (The Hospice Network).

But Leno didn't want to leave TV and NBC didn't want to stop milking Leno's financial tit.

So they put a lame-ass, truncated version of what they considered to be the best parts of Leno's Tonight show in the last Prime Time slot EVERY FUCKING NIGHT. In a time slot where most viewers were used to seeing smartly scripted, well acted, Emmy winning (but EXPENSIVE TO THE NETWORK) dramas.

It was a COLOSSAL FAIL! Local affiliates rose up like rabid teabaggers because Leno's crappy show drove viewers away from their nightly news broadcasts.

Studies have shown that if you go to bed with a network, you tend to wake up with a network. With most families being dual income families, the daytime demographic is negligible.

The local affiliates have a few hours in the evening and even fewer hours in the morning to make money off of you. Probably 7 out or 24, tops. For NBC, Leno was killing 5 of those hours and everyone was PISSED!

So NBC's proposed solution? A Mulligan! A redo! Put Leno back where he was and make everybody, O'Brien, Fallon, the NBC viewers all pay for Leno's failure to attract viewers.

WRONG, NBC! WRONG!

I'm not a Leno hater, but he has clearly run his course. He's done. He's not a charity case. He has bragged about the fact that he has not spent a dime of his Tonight Show money ($15 million a year for how many years?). He lived off his stand-up routine money! So, he's gonna be OK. He won't be homeless anytime soon.

The ratings are quite emphatic about the fact that he no longer has anything to offer NBC.

So let him go! Fire him if you have to. Let him do 20 years of "unscripted" walk-ons like you did with Bob Hope and his life-time contract. Whatever it takes. But put the fucker out to pasture and let O'Brien and Fallon chart the future.

Quit being a dick, NBC.

And if NBC won't quit being a dick, then Jay Leno needs to quit being a dick and do the right thing.

You have a lot of fucking cars to work on. Get busy.

P.S. I apologize for the lack of links. But I have one more post I want to squeeze in tonight and don't have time for my customary due diligence. So go google my shit.

Pressure Hooker

From sketch to the finished product from Joe Capobianco. By the way, his awesome new sketchbook can be previewed here...
http://www.joecapobianco.com/news3383.html

The Top 10 Blog Stories of 2009 pt. 2

Hey peoples. I'm back with what, in my lowly opinion, were the top four blog stories of 2009. These are the news items that generated the most buzz on my blog and among the public.


4. The death of Michael Jackson
The outpouring of grief I witnessed in Bim for the late pop icon Michael Jackson is usually reserved for Prime Ministers, and left no doubt that his fans and detractors alike felt his passing. Live coverage of his funeral was viewed by hundreds in Kensington Oval and the 24 hour sessions of Jackson's hits on the radio stations were spine-tingling. RIP, MJ.


3. The Inauguration of US President Barack Obama
Barbados came to a standstill almost a year ago as persons were glued to their tv and computer screens to watch the first African American being sworn in as President of the USA. It was a day that will live on my memory.


2. Rihanna vs. Chris Brown
You all know the story on this one, so I won't bother to rehash this dark episode. You can check out my numerous posts last year on this topic. I'm done.



1. Ryan Brathwaite wins gold at the World Championships
When hurdler Ryan Brathwaite beat out his competitors to win the gold medal at the World Championships in Berlin, Barbadians were overcome with pride and joy. I was in Bridgetown when he ran and I can tell you, even the City vagrants were fussy fussy. Well done, son of the soil.

You Da Man, De Masi!

Awesome colour work from Mike De Masi

My Gadgetriffic 2010!

Enough talk about death! Let's talk about toys!

Here is the short list of shit I'm going to be getting with my tax return in what I like to call Gadgetriffic 2010!

Nexus One (the Google phone) $180.oo for T-Mobile customers like me.


Just introduced today! I'm finally going to bite the bullet and get a 3G phone. I'm especially intrigued by the voice recognition and the integration of built in GPS with Google Maps. Just tell it where you want to go and using your current GPS position it will map out a route for you. Fucker will even show you the Google Maps street view of your destination when you get close. Email, Internet, 5 mega pixel camera, MP3 player, all kinds of shit. Rumor has it, you can even make phone calls with it! Fuckin', sweet! I'm gettin' one.



250 GB Sony PlayStation 3 $350.00


I originally just wanted a Blu-Ray DVD player, but my friends convinced me that I would get more digital bang for my buck with a PS3.

Product Features

Next-generation gaming
Opens up new worlds of high-definition gaming intensity with astonishing graphics and audio.

Lighter, slimmer design
Fits easily into your home and your life to expand your entertainment horizons.
250GB internal hard drive
Provides massive storage for games, music, videos and other media.

Built-in Wi-Fi
Makes it easy to connect to the Internet for exciting additional entertainment options.

Blu-ray Disc player
Delivers pristine picture quality and an incredible high-definition viewing experience.

DVD up scaling
Brings your favorite DVDs to life on screen in high definition, so you can enjoy them in a new way

PlayStation Network membership
Gives you access to a wealth of online services, including free online gaming, game, movie and TV show downloads, music, movie and photo streaming, text and voice chat and more.

DUALSHOCK 3 wireless controller
Puts high-intensity gaming power into the palm of your hands.

HDMI output for 1080p resolution
Ensures that visuals come alive with incredible depth and clarity on your high-definition screen.

7.1 audio
Envelops you in the sound of your favorite movies and games, immersing you fully in the viewing or gaming experience.


Boxee Box Under $200.00

"As described in D-Link's official press release, "The Boxee Box by D-Link reinterprets what TV should be. The Boxee Box delivers movies, TV shows, music, and photos from a user's computer, home network, and the Internet to their HDTV with no PC needed. Additionally, Boxee's core social features make it easy for friends to discover new content from each other through social networks like Facebook, Twitter, and more.

Some of the entertainment destinations that will be available as apps on Boxee will include Netflix, Pandora, Last.fm, and Next New Networks. And just like the Boxee software for your computer, users can add RSS feeds, XML feeds, or install other apps onto the box of their favorite Internet entertainment destinations."

VIDEO:
Adobe Flash 10.1
H.264 (MKV, MOV)
VC-1
WMV
MPEG-1
MPEG-2
MPEG-4
AVI
Xvid
Divx
PCM/LPCM
VOB

AUDIO:
MP3
WMA
WAV
AIFF
FLAC
AAC
DTS
Dolby Digital
Ogg Vorbis

PHOTO:
JPEG
TIFF
BMP
PNG


So for less than $750 I am going to be wired and networked to the fucking gills! Anything I can access from my 3G phone, DVDs, home computing Wi-Fi network or the Internet I can access from my big ass HD TV!

Awesome!

Top 10 Blog Stories of 2009

Happy New Year, y'all! Hope you had a great Christmas and I wish you good health and prosperity in 2010. I also want to welcome on board four new followers. Thanks for signing on, hope you enjoy the ride!

Anyhoo, 2009 was quite a year for news. Actually the entire decade was one that saw many firsts: the first Grammy for a Bajan singer in 2007; the first African American President of the USA in 2009 and hopefully many lasts: the fall of the Twin Towers in 2001 and the Tsunami in the South Pacific in 2004.

I checked back through my blog archives and as a sayonara to 2009, I listed what I thought were the top blog stories of that year. I ranked them based on the interest generated locally and their significance to the country. Let me know of any others you think should be included.


10. Contractor Al Barack vs. the Government of Barbados
This story is a news gift that keeps on giving in the new year. To make a long story short, about six years ago a tribunal ordered Government to pay Barack about $35million dollars for terminating his contract to construct the Warrens Office Complex. With the dragging of feet by successive administrations the figure has since grown to $65 million. At the rate things are going, with a war of words between the two sides, Barack may own all national properties lock, stock and barrel soon....


9. Usain Bolt shatters 100-metre world record
Following on from his gold medal winning ways in Beijing in 2008, Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt smoked the track at the World Championships in Berlin, lowering the 100 metre world record to 9.58 seconds. And the Caribbean rejoiced.


8. Mia Mottley vs. Owen Arthur
Those of you newbies to the blog can read all about this particular story here.


7. The Tiger Woods scandal
Tiger, Tiger, Tiger. Who knew you had it in you? I don't know whether to be impressed or disgusted. You can read my post on that matter here.

6. Barbados' new immigration policy
Further proof that the road to hell is sometimes paved with the best of intentions, Government's unveiling of a new immigration policy whereby all undocumented Caribbean Community (CARICOM) nationals living on the island for five years or more can regularise their stay here, created a furore that reverberated throughout the entire Caribbean.


5. The Swine Flu epidemic
Like a storyline straight out of Hollywood, the H1N1 or swine flu epidemic spread quickly and left hundreds of deaths in its wake. Barbados had its share of deaths as well, and with the winter season in full flight now, we can only hope that we don't see a resurgence of the virus here.

I'll be back soon with the top four news stories of 2009....