Question and answer time

From time to time I get mail from my readers, and so I decided to set aside today's post to respond to some of the questions posed by you my loyal blog readers. Here goes...


How come you don't write about Rihanna so much anymore?
From the time Rihanna burst on to the scene back in 2005, she's been a staple here at Cheese-on-bread. I've blogged about her triumphs, her relationship and her trials. I especially tried to impart advice to a then teenage Bajan thrust into the spotlight at the tender age of 17.

Now that Rih-Rih's a hard-backed 22-year-old woman, moving men into her house and thing, well, she don't need no advice from me. Not that she asked for it anyhow. I'll still blog about her though, don't worry.


Have you banned politics from the blog?
Not at all. It's just that I get so little time to blog these days, the last thing I want to write about is poliicians. Except Obama, he's special.

When are you going to finish that story you keep teasing us about?
Lord knows. Hopefully before my son goes to primary school. Just kidding. As soon as I get a chance, I have to fine tune the first few chapters before I begin posting them up. And for those who're wondering what the plot will be about this time around, it will include inter-racial relationships, abandoned kids and marriage blues.

When are you next going to do a fave list?
I have a topic in mind but as it's a short week I'll do it next week.


How come you didn't blog about the accusations made against Dr. David Estwick recently?
You mean the Gaza vs. Gully conflict part 2? I'll address that in my midterm review of the Cabinet soon.

Chin up!

I love these sad looking old school ladies, from Rachi Brains

Welcome To My Life

Her email: "I found your profile very intersting, My name is ######.
Hhow are you?"

Her Profile: "enjoy motercycle rides, outdoor fun, Going to the Casino. Vacations in the sun. Love taking long walks, I want to learn to hunt...:) Never shot a gun but would love to learn to Deer hunt. Hang out with friends,working out, meeting New people, Joel Osteen, Sundays are my Fundays.:)"

My Reply: "Hi ######,

Thanks for the response. I appreciate the interest.

But after reading your profile, I don't think I'm what you're looking for.

I've never been on a motorcycle because they scare the hell out of me, casinos hold no appeal for me...if I'm going to gamble I'd rather just have some buddies over for a friendly poker game, I'm philosophically opposed to hunting and I'm an atheist so millionaire "prosperity preachers" like Joel Osteen who reign over Mega Churches represent, to me, the worst possible aspect of organized religion.

I would be a waste of your time and feel like I should be honest enough to let you know that.

But thank you again for the response."

This is what I'm dealing with.

Tip For Android Phone Users With Laptops

When I got my 3G MyTouch Android phone I was told that it couldn't be used as a modem.

I was a bit disappointed because I was hoping that I'd be able to access the internet with my netbook without having to rely on WiFi hot spots.

Well guess what? I found an app called Easy Tether that allows you to tether your Android to a desktop or a notebook computer and shares your Android smartphone connection with your PC.

I've tried it and it works great!

Now I can access internet porn from anywhere, at anytime!

That might not be a jet-pack or a flying car, but it's pretty fucking cool!

Backward Christian Soldiers Part 2

Ummm, yeah. These are the Next Great American Revolutionary Leaders.



How many of you are ready to toss away the last 200+ years of American History in favor of whatever the fuck these guys believe in?

Painted Lady

This is a gorgeous take on the day of the dead ladies, by Tony Ciavarro.

Backward Christian Soldiers

This headline caught me off guard.

"Raids in 3 states target Christian militia"

"The target of the raid was a group called the Hutaree, which proclaims on a Web site that it is "Preparing for the end time battles to keep the testimony of Jesus Christ alive."

I'd never heard of these fuckers before so I googled "hutaree" and found some pretty scary shit.

Not "scary" as in these are people to be afraid of. More "scary" that human beings can be this fucking stupid.

Their "military" patch features a sword as a cross and the initials "CCR" which refers to the "Colonial Christian Republic", whatever the fuck that is.



I put the word military in quotes because dressing up in camo gear and playing "army" in the woods with your buddies doesn't make you a military force.

I strongly suspect that the laziest and WORST Navy Seal could kick the ass of every single Hutaree member, at the same time, while watching The View and eating a ham sandwich without breaking a bead of sweat.

As evidence, I submit these videos of the self proclaimed "TEOTWAWKI Man". TEOTWAWKI is an acronym for "The End Of The World As We Know It".

I found these through the Hutaree website under the "Azuurlin's Blog" link.

Episode 1, Part 1

Episode 1, Part 2

There was better survival information available in the old Whole Earth Catalog and Foxfire books than anything this goonbabbling idiot has to say. This guy will get you killed by opossums. Fucktard!

Also on the Hutaree web site you can find a link to the Beast Watch which will alert you to information about the coming of the Anti-Christ.

Then there is a link to something called the "Adjutant Briefing" which describes itself as "A brief summary of potential threats, hazzards and instabilities". It seems to be an aggregate of various information sources including one called the Rapture Index.

The Rapture Index describes itself as "The prophetic speedometer of end-time activity".

"The Purpose For This Index

The Rapture Index has two functions: one is to factor together a number of related end time components into a cohesive indicator, and the other is to standardize those components to eliminate the wide variance that currently exists with prophecy reporting.

The Rapture Index is by no means meant to predict the rapture, however, the index is designed to measure the type of activity that could act as a precursor to the rapture.

You could say the Rapture index is a Dow Jones Industrial Average of end time activity, but I think it would be better if you viewed it as prophetic speedometer. The higher the number, the faster we're moving towards the occurrence of pre-tribulation rapture.

Rapture Index of 100 and Below: Slow prophetic activity
Rapture Index of 100 to 130: Moderate prophetic activity
Rapture Index of 130 to 160: Heavy prophetic activity
Rapture Index above 160: Fasten your seat belts"

It tracks news reports of the following indices:

False Christs, Occult, Satanism, Unemployment, Inflation, Interest Rates, The Economy, Oil Supply/Price, Debt and Trade, Financial Unrest, Leadership, Drug Abuse, Apostasy, Supernatural, Moral Standards, Anti-Christian, Crime Rate, Ecumenism, Globalism, Tribulation Temple, Anti-Semitism, Israel, Gog (Russia), Persia (Iran), The False Prophet, Nuclear Nations, Global Turmoil, Arms Proliferation, Liberalism, The Peace Process, Kings of the East, Mark of the Beast, Beast Government, The Antichrist, Date Settings, Volcanoes, Earthquakes, Wild Weather, Civil Rights, Famine, Drought, Plagues, Climate, Food Supply and Floods.

They look at things such as:

01 False Christs
A gentleman in Florida has made news by claiming to
be Christ.
02 Occult:
There has been two major news events involving witchcraft
and murder.
04 Unemployment:
Unemployment tops 10 percent.
05 Inflation:
Consumer inflation remains tame.
06 Interest Rates:
The Federal Reserve cuts rates to near zero.
07 The Economy
Doubts about the strength of the U.S. economic grow.
08 Oil Supply/Price
The price of oil climb as the dollar come under pressure.
09 Debt and Trade:
The mortgage bailout will add $1.2 trillion to the Federal
debt.
10 Financial unrest
The U.S. dollar is down sharply, and gold is at a new high.

The current Rapture Index is set at 170, in case you were wondering. Probably a good idea to know where your towel is.

So you have this paramilitary group of Holy Special Forces wannabes posting videos of them playing with their toys in the woods to some incredibly annoying and repetitious sound track droning on about "Mary Ann".

These inbred, backwoods idiots crack me up.

I just have one question.

If Jeebus is coming back to Earth in The End Times with The Wrath Of Almighty God to cleanse the world of wickedness, chain the Anti-Christ, throw him into the Pit of Hell and Reign For A Thousand Years, what the fuck does he need with a bunch camouflaged hillbillies crawling around in the dirt pretending to be "soldiers"?

What with all the Seven Seals, plagues, locusts, Horsemen of the Apocalypse, turning seas to blood and shit I would think that the Supreme Creator And Ruler wouldn't need to call on a bunch of ass-slapping, deer hunting, high school drop outs who like to have slumber parties out in the woods to complete His Divine Plan.

The stupidity and gullibility of my fellow humans never ceases to amaze and amuse me.

Shontelle's 'Impossible' Video Is Here!

Check out the just-released video for Bajan superstar Shontelle's megahit, 'Impossible'. The singer/songwriter is signed to Universal Motown Records and SRP Records, the same label known for discovering fellow Bajan Rihanna. The video was directed by TAJ, the protégé of Anthony Mandler, who has worked with Rihanna on a dozen of her videos.

“Impossible” is the lead single off of Shontelle’s upcoming album, No Gravity, out in Spring 2010. You can follow her on Twitter @Shontelle_Layne.

Great job, Shontelle. Do you, baby, do you.

Video courtesy of Jared of JustJared.com.

Girls! Girls! Girls!

A pinup overload from Danylo Stefan.

Back To Reality

Classic stuff from Cecil Porter, his others can be viewed here.

Barbados Not Feeling the Vybz

Well, Gaza and Gully won't be sharing a stage in Barbados this weekend after all. Prime Minister David Thompson just concluded his post-Cabinet press conference, where he stated that the decision was taken to cancel the show....again.

Wuhloss. First it was on, then it was off. Then it was on. Now it's off, again. In between there we've had Ministers intervening, cops backraising each other (a long story) and accusations flying left and right. Talk 'bout gully versus Gaza. I know somebody's gonna get sued over this....

Toy Glory

The blogs second barbie, from Nikko Hurtado.

Why Health Care Reform Was Neccessary

OK, I'm not entirely happy with the recently passed health care reform bill.

Not because it did too much, went too far, costs too much or represents a socialistic intrusion of "big government" into to the personal lives of American citizens.

I'm disappointed because it doesn't go far enough. I'm disappointed because it doesn't provide a single payer, single provider solution that covers 100% of Americans for everything just because they are lucky enough to be Americans.

As for the intrusion of "big government" argument, the conservative talking points make me sick.

Conservatives have ALWAYS favored Big Government when it comes to controlling who can do what with who in the privacy of their own bedrooms, who can marry who, what individuals can read or watch in their homes, how much control they have over their own bodies and biological processes, what naturally occurring substances they can ingest, or whether they should be free of the intrusion of religion into their lives.

In all of these instances, conservatives cannot get enough Big Government to satisfy them.

It's only when it comes to how much money business people can take out of your wallet that they want to waive off "Big Government". They don't want any government regulation over rampant greed.

Let's look at the basic business model of private insurance.

I'm Xavier's Insurance Company.

Here is how I make money.

You give me a large amount of money every month in exchange for the promise that if you ever need any of that money back to cover health care expenses, I'll cover your costs.

This business model only works for me if I never have to deliver on my promise!

So if you have a pre-existing condition that sets off a red flag that I MIGHT have to actually deliver on my promise, I'm not going to cover you. It's not worth the risk to my bottom line.

If you start making claims that force me to deliver on my promise, at the very least I'm going to have to raise your rates to maintain my profit margin. Because me increasing my wealth trumps your expectation that I will keep my promises.

If the claims continue unabated, I will just drop you from coverage because you are costing me too much money. Better you should get sick and die than I should see a dip in my quarterly returns.

That's fucked up. That's what needed to change. This health care reform bill changes some of that. But not enough.

You cannot convince me that we can lay claim to the "Greatest Country In The World" banner when we have no problem magically conjuring over $700 billion dollars to kill Iraqis and over $250 billion dollars to kill Afghans, but turn around and claim can't come up with enough money to cover every American citizen's basic health care costs.

Conservatives have their panties in a twist that their tax dollars may be spent to pay for abortions.

Well, guess what? I have a REAL FUCKING PROBLEM that MY tax dollars are paying for what I consider to be unjustified wars of choice and aggression half a world away!

I say we provide a detailed federal budget checklist with every tax return and census form. Let's all put a check mark in the box next to the shit we are willing to pay for. No check mark, no money.

Now that's democracy.

Obama's Health Care Reform Bill passes

Congrats to US President Barack Obama, who won a hard-fought battle that culminated in his Health Care Reform Bill passing in the House last night.

Although the war is far from over, since the republican machinery is currently appealing the Bill, the Prez can still savour this victory. I just hope it hasn't come at too high a price, namely his chances of a second term.

My Favorite Android Apps

I was late to the game, but I finally got a 3G Smart Phone just over a month ago. It's not an iPhone. Mine uses Google's Android operating system. It's a My Touch from T-Mobile, but any Android phone can use these apps.

I've been trying out a lot of apps and quite frankly, I've been blown away by how many things my "phone" can do. I put "phone" in quotes because actually being a phone is a minuscule fraction of what this thing does.

GPS NAVIGATION
Because the Android operating system was developed by Google, my phone is seamlessly integrated with Google Maps. Using the Navigation Launcher app, I can search for an address with either text or voice, hit "Navigate", and my phone will give me turn by turn voice directions to my destination. It will display my progress on a Google Map that includes a satellite overlay. At each turn, the map zooms in so you can clearly see where you should turn. As you approach your destination, it zooms in to the Google Street View so you can actually see your destination. I saved my home location and named it "Android, take me home." So wherever I find myself, anywhere in the world, I can tap the speaker and say "Android, take me home" and it will plot a route and guide me there. Pretty fucking cool.

DASHCAM
To conveniently use the GPS Navigator, I bought a suction cup windshield mount to hold my phone. I quickly realized that by judiciously positioning my phone's mount, I could use the video camera in the phone as a dashcam. By touching the screen, I can start recording up to 30 minutes worth of video. It's like a black box that records my drive. I can even provide a voice-over explaining what's going on.

VIDEO SHARING
After I've finished recording, I can immediately share my video on Twitter, Facebook, Youtube or any number of other sites, directly from my phone.

GOOGLE GOGGLES
This app uses your phone's camera and Google's engine to search and match images. For instance, say you are on the Plaza and see a fountain or sculpture and wonder who created it. Take a picture of it with Google Goggles and it will search the Internet for a match and display the results Somewhat frighteningly, this same technology could also someday do the same thing with people's faces. Take a picture of a stranger and you might be able to find out who they are, where they live and what their credit rating is.

ALL SOCIAL MEDIA
My work blocks Twitter and Facebook so I can't access them from my my employer's network. But I can access them from my phone even when I'm in a training class or meeting.

US TRAFFIC
This app ascertains my location via GPS, accesses local traffic conditions within a default (but configurable) 10 mile radius, and displays in real time any slow traffic, accidents or road construction. I never have to get stuck in a traffic jam again.

RADAR NOW
Much like US Traffic, this app determines my location via GPS, then displays a real-time radar map of surrounding weather conditions and alerts. I don't need Katie Horner. I have a phone.

BARCODE SCAN
It's just what it sounds like. It uses the phone's camera to scan barcodes and QR codes. It searches the web for info and displays the results.

YOUTUBE
I can watch youtube videos on my phone. 'Nuff said.

BUBBLE LEVEL
Is that picture crooked? Use the Bubble Level app to find out. It looks and functions exactly like a bubble app and it's accurate. Would you normally carry a bubble level around with you? Probably not. But if it doesn't take up any space, weigh anything or cost anything? Why the hell not?

GOOGLE SKY MAP
Astronomically challenged? Not sure if that is Venus, Mars, Jupiter or a star? Point your phone at what you are looking at and Sky Map will overlay it with astronomical data and constellation diagrams.

KEY RING
Do you have a little card on your key ring with a barcode from your grocery store, video rental store or library? You can scan that shit into your phone. Next time you want to rent a movie at Blockbuster, they can scan the screen of your phone.

LIST MASTER
This is a simple list app. But using the Android's awesome speech-to-text capabilities, I can just walk through the house saying "toilet paper", "milk", "laundry detergent", "Huge, MAGNUM Sized, Ribbed Condoms with Extra Large Reservoir Tips" and the List Master app will create a shopping list for me.

METAL DETECTOR
Just what it sounds like. It uses the phone's compass as a metal detector. It might not be sensitive enough to detect buried pirate treasure 30 feet underground, but I have successfully used it as a stud finder by locating the nail heads in the studs in my garage.

FLIXSTER
This app shows you what movies are playing at which theaters and at what times within 25 miles of your location. You can even watch trailers and buy your tickets online over the phone.

SHOPPER
Haven't really tried this one yet, but I understand the concept. You are in a store and you see something you want to buy. Using your phone's camera or barcode scanner, this app will search for manufacturer coupons or comparative pricing from retailers close to your GPS location. That's pretty fucking cool.

There are a lot of other fun apps like Star Wars Light Sabers, Star Trek Tricorders (that actually use the sensors and instruments in your phone to do real shit), Magic 8 Balls and fart soundboards.

All in all, it's a pretty amazing and futuristic piece of technology to be carrying around with you wherever you go.

Now, if they could just put all of that shit in a brain implant that displays the data on my retinas like a heads up display, I'd be in heaven.

Health Care Reform In A Nutshell

Not dying shouldn't be a function of how rich you can make someone else.

In a civilized society, everyone should have equal and affordable access to the most advanced health care available.

Anything less is cruel and barbaric.

It's that simple.

The Vernal Equinox

Today is the first day of spring!

Here is what that looks like in Kansas City.









Despite the weather, this has been, and continues to be a very good day.

It started off with me preparing an EPIC brunch for my best friend and her fiance. Peppered bacon. Scrambled eggs with diced ham, green onions and shredded cheese. Oven roasted potatoes. French toast. Kona coffee. And mimosas. Mimosas are half champagne, half orange juice with little slices of strawberries.

It was fucking awesome! Then the BFF and her fiance left to continue their day and I was left with most of a bottle of champagne. So I have been dealing with the vernal equinox snowmegeddon by staying inside and sipping mimosas all day.

Yay. Me.

As I speak, there is a pot roast and veggies warming up in the oven. I made the pot roast yesterday, but didn't touch it. I put it in the fridge to "age" overnight. So I got that working for me.

It's taken me the better part of the day, but I've almost polished off the champagne. I am nothing if not persistent. I set myself a task and then I keep working until the mission is accomplished. It's good to have goals.

By the way, those pictures you just saw? Those were taken a couple of hours ago.

Guess what?

It is still. fucking. snowing. Hasn't even let up or paused.

Welcome to fucking spring in Missouri!

Who's to blame?

Hey, peoples. Well for the past week or so debate has been raging on - again - about the indiscipline exhibited by some of our young people. Fingers are being pointed at parents, teachers, the minibus culture, the radio broadcasters, Vybz Kartel and Movado... but who's really to blame for the way some of these youngsters are acting these days?

I say, we're all to blame. From the day Bajans could no longer correct each others' children; from the day parents started going to schools and cursing and beating teachers for disciplining their children; from the day society just got so busy that its youngest members got left behind, we failed our children and ultimately we failed ourselves.

Finger pointing only takes you so far, and we've been going around in circles with this topic of youth indiscipline for far too long. Let's get some sort of dialogue going with the youth themselves because they have a lot of the answers to this problem.

My GTO Revealed

No, not that GTO! Although that would be really fucking sweet!

Long time readers of this blog know that I am the proud papa of a hella smart and witty 16 year old daughter who is the center of my universe.

I refer to her as young Galadriel Tanqueray Onassis, or, GTO. Obviously that is no more her real name than Xavier Onassis is mine.

Even so, I have been hesitant to post any pictures of her out of respect for her privacy. The Flying Spaghetti Monster knows she wouldn't want to be associated with my "nerdy blog".

But she recently had a photo shoot with photographer Hans Pinkas. And yes, I checked this guy out three ways to Sunday before agreeing to this!

The kid has a good eye and better lighting control and exposure technique than I can ever hope to have. He does good work and I like the results.

So, with her permission, I present my daughter, young Galadriel Tanqueray Onassis as photographed by Hans Pinkas.










She's my only child.

Know why?

Because when you bowl a perfect 300 game on your first try, you can only go downhill from there.

Best retire your balls and shoes and quit while you are ahead.

Email Aggregation?

I don't know about you, but I have several email accounts that I use for various purposes.

I have one that I use for personal and professional contacts.

I have another that I use for pseudonymous social networking purposes.

I have another as a throw away account where I don't care if I get spam or surveys.

Gmail claims to be a service that can aggregate all of your various accounts in one place. And it is.

But the problem is you have to use POP forwarding on your various accounts to send them to Gmail.

All of my accounts are Yahoo accounts and POP forwarding is only available if you upgrade and pay $19.99 a year for a Premium Yahoo account.

I'm not paying $60.00 a year for 3 Premium Yahoo accounts just to have the convenience of viewing all of my "free" emails in one place.

I used to have an application that did what I'm talking about for free, but I lost it when my XPS crashed and burned.

So I'm asking all y'all motherfuckers. What are you using? I know you cheap bastards aren't paying for this kind of thing. I'm looking at you @kcmeesha!

Survivin' the flu....

Hey, peoples. I'm back after surviving the horrible flu that's going around in Bim these days. Hope you all are okay out there.

So, what's went on in the world when I was on my sick bed? Well, we're still experiencing a drought. Ain't seen rain in months. I hope when the rains so come we don't drown because Mother Nature is doing some odd things these days.

We've had over 1000 fires so far this year as well, mostly cane and bush fires. Our fire officers have to be commended for their hard work, because since January, the firebug has been raging out of control.


On the political front, PM David Thompson has shuffled out his Minister of State responsible for Immigration, Sen. Arni Walters, and made him Executive Board Chairman of the Barbados Water Authority. Good luck up in the Pine, Arni. Word is more changes are coming to the Cabinet as well.

What else? Oh, congrats to actress Mo'Nique, who copped the Best Supporting Actress award at last Sunday's Academy Awards. Well done, Ms. Mo'nique.

De Quervain's Tenosynovitis! I Haz It!

I haven't been to a doctor or been given a diagnossis or anything, but I'm 99% certain this is what I have.

Now, it's not terminal. But it is affecting my mobility and lifestyle.

Here is why.

On Friday, February 12, I got my federal tax return.

As a patriotic American, I stimulated our economy that same weekend by buying myself some new toys.

I upgraded to a 3G smart phone and I bought a Sony PS3.

That was 3 weeks ago.

Two items to note:

1: I'm right handed

2: I didn't grow up using Play Station style controllers.

So now this is happening.



Bitch hurts like a motherfucker!

This is particularly debilitating because I was forced to switch to a left handed reverse grip after I tore my right rotator cuff a few years ago.

Although my injury was incurred as a direct result of my Selfless Service To The American Economy, I'm not asking for any special treatment.

I'm just hoping that a handfull of vicodin washed down with a bottle of Jack Daniels will help a little. If you would like to contribute to my vicodin and bourbon fund, well, who am I to say no to your generosity?

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?

Keep me in your prayers.